Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Power of Now...

A month ago my mentor told us a story that transformed my view of plans and things. It was a story of a 9 year old girl who weighed the importance of past, present and future. Her dad asked her which is more important between the 3, and briefly she answered, “THE PRESENT!” Her father completely puzzled asked why, and then the little girl said, “The past you can’t do anything about it, the future is not yet here and we’re not sure what lies ahead, we only have NOW and this is the time where we can start making the difference”. See, it just comes from a 9 year old girl, yet the depth of its message is enough to make an adult think.

I guess I am one person who was deeply affected by the message of the story. I was the kind of person who was anxious about the future and I fear the consequences of risks. I have a deuce of time facing the things to come because I nursed my frustrations from the times of yore and I held grudges towards my failures. I realized that my growth and productivity as a person is held back by circumstances of the past and the only way to move ahead is to liberate all the pain. Eckhart Tolle said “Nobody’s life is entirely free of pain and sorrow. Isn’t it a question of learning to live with them rather than trying to avoid them?”—The Power of Now. True enough, there’s nothing we can do about the past, and our only ticket to make it better is to be the best that we can be right now—to live. There’s is actually nothing impossible if we try to put 101% efforts in everything that we do. I noticed that when do our best today, we are essentially making our future sound better.

Carpe Diem! A poem by Horace and more popularly remembered from the movie Dead Poets Society. Seize the day, that’s what we should do, to take chance in everything, to embrace the risks and beat the challenge, to gain from failures and learn from mistakes, to circumvent a stagnant life, to grow, to kiss your parents, to hug a friend, to tell and make that one person feel that you love him/her—to live. The only thing that exists is what is happening right now, so might as well utilize its power to craft all the difference. We may never know what will happen next, what’s there in tomorrow, or what’s left the next day. Things change and people come and go so hold a hand, utter a word, use your voice and never ignore a chance, for without it life is yours to miss.

“Go for it now. The future is promised to no one. WD”

Monday, October 27, 2008



Do you believe in signs?
Do you believe that God talks to us through signs?

Ever had the feeling that when you’re in the middle of a personal turmoil everything around you seems to sympathize with the situation. It’s debatable how such signs and messages arise in a definite time. So definite that you tend to question it’s reliability.

Life as it is offer hundreds of striking choices, yet it limits you to pick just one. During my younger days, a multiple choice type of examination was an advantage. Today, life’s multiple choices is a burden, part of your choices appear as good as the right one. Rule of elimination states that to be able to make acceptable choices, we should eradicate the choices that were and will never be important in the process of our development. However, when all that’s left are the things important to us, choosing becomes subjective, it depends on how you see and perceive things, thus, leading us to answers that do not guarantee a check mark.

This is why more often than not most of us stop at the middle of these choices and let our inner selves ask for guidance from up above. We ask for signs and we pray to God that he lead us to the right thing. However, as God may not attend to us face to face, we ask God to deliver his messages through signs. In the past weeks I’ve been driven by signs. Choosing the right thing to do should have been too easy for me, but my priorities are soulfully affected by the people around me.

I believe that heaven talks to me through signs, and they speak to me through ordinary things. I suppose many people would agree to the fact that there were moments when they felt so sad or happy then suddenly hears a song that completely describes the way they feel, worst, it becomes a vivid scenario of their reality. Signs come in so many different forms, either ways these are guidelines on how we can address our personal agendas, but it’s totally up to us if we adapt it or not. Signs are everywhere, all we have to do is open our hearts, look around, and listen to things that you don’t usually hear, feel it and let it in.

They say that destiny is just an excuse to cover our incapacities. They say that asking for signs is a mark of immaturity and fear of taking risks. I say not. Nobody said that life depends on destiny or signs, for these are mere guidelines to enlighten you to the next big thing. In the end, we still end up with a choice, a choice to go for it or not.

When I was at the edge of giving up my ultimate dream,

When I was torn between two major life choices, I characterized them as COKE and SPRITE, THEN and THERE, SPRITE COMMERCIAL was on TV.

When I felt so down and kept bragging my friends how confused towards someone, the song of BUGOY was played over the radio. (AKALAIN mong mang asar din e noh)

Today, I prayed and asked God if I was on the right track, again I asked for a sign… while praying I had coins on both sides of my pocket. IF it’s a YES, I asked for a HEAD, IF it’s a NO, I asked for TAILS.
I needed to confirm
I asked, SURE??

More often that not, God does not address our needs, but he gives what’s best for us. If your requests never happened it doesn’t mean “NO”, it only means NOT YET or I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOU. Our prayers are answered in so many different ways. Most of the time, we feel like he doesn’t adhere to our needs, but he does. We just have to utilize our resources to make a connection.

Monday, October 6, 2008

AIDS: Aquired Insanity Due to Studying

Discharging my Hyperactive, Restless, Relentless Neurotransmitters.
In Layman’s Term: Jack ass’ way to relax

Dim’s Care Plan

61 days before the Big “E”

Dim’s Diagnosis

Risk for Severe Brain Inflammation
Impaired Social Communication
Alteration in Patterns of Daily Lifestyle
Social Isolation

Related to imminent ingenious holy licensure examination
Secondary to studying 500 pages a day, rationalizing 100-item practice test in an hour and 3 hours sleep, in 7 days, for 6 weeks.

As Evidenced by:

Moments of stupidity and dumbness(like this one)
Unadulterated Nursing Vocabulary
Zero Balance Credit Card Statement
Lonely Nikon D80
Outdated Blogs
A season behind Gossip Girls, Heroes, and Grey’s Anatomy
Barely remembers the taste of alcohol
Zero Inbox Messages
Failure to meet friends
Desire for more contact with friends


P: Establish Communication and rapport with God.
I: Pray


Right. Please try to remind me every now and then that I am still sane. For the record, just a little more of emotional instability and I am truly crashed. Hehe Yet, I think I found a solution to stay commonsensical, SMILE. Hahaha SMILE is a sign of optimism, even, at the midst of a close encounter becoming my father’s patient. ….. WTH.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

New Hope, New Life, Justice Served

PAR DELICTUM: The Act of One is the Act of All


Six Years ago, a terrifying life experience landed in our hands. I was 15 years old back then, young and vulnerable. As known to many of my friends and family acquaintances I am a victim of Kidnap for Ransom. While many would initially have the impression that we are financially overflowing, we’re not. We’re just a middle class, socially established family who just gives out the best for the best.

When people see me and my family today, not a single trace of this incident is evident. I tried to be strong for my family and vice versa. However, when such crime took place I was a minor, I never really understood the intensity of the crime. At some point I crossed over psychological issues just so I won’t fall on my weakness. A lot of people commended on my strength and typifies it to be extraordinary. On the other hand, too much of something is never good, though it’s pleasing to our ears I guess too much strength blinded me to see that such event can happen again. Yes, even the best fall down sometimes. What I considered to be a part of my history repeated itself. Consequently, the repeat of history we now tend to keep in the shelf.

Conversely, today, August 20, 2008, Criminal Case no Q-02-111054 came to an end. The Kidnap for ransom case was promulgated.

WHEREFORE accused Joseph Randy Mendoza y Teves, Maria Victoria Acuatin y Servo, Joselito Mortega y Amayna and Nelson Pilar y florano are hereby found GUILTY beyond reasonable doubt of the crime of kidnapping for ransom, defined and penalized under Article 267 of the Revised Penal Code, and are sentenced to suffer the Penalty of RECLUSION PERPETUA without eligibility for parole and to indemnify the offended party jointly and severally as follows:

a. The amount of ------------- representing the ransom money;

b. The amount of ------------- as moral damages;

c. The amount of ------------- as exemplary damages.


Under Republic Act No. 7659, the imposition of death penalty is warranted if the motive of the accused is to ransom for the release of the kidnap victim. Considering that Republic Act. No. 9346, entitled, “An Act Prohibiting the Imposition of Death Penalty in the Philippines”, which was signed into law on June 24, 2006, the penalty imposed upon accused, is reduced from death to reclusion perpetua without eligibility for parole (Sec 3, Rep. Act 4203, otherwise known as the Indeterminate Sentence Law, as amended).

While sentence was being propagated, tears were racing down my cheeks. As the details of this history were read it became so vivid. The scenes were flashing back as if they were real. I remember how I tried to console myself during those times, though it was a bit funny, the gravity of this incident was less because I thought I was just doing a movie. I was just an actress and they were the usual big ugly villains. Today, I was mesmerized to see that my movie depicts reality, mine was real. I can shout that I am in high spirits, and those tears I cried were not only tears of joy, but also tears of liberty. I am happy not because my villains will be placed behind the rails, but for the reason that today I know I am offering them my forgiveness (ex gratia). Considering the suspension of Death Penalty, they should reflect on the bright side of life. If only today was 2 years earlier, I am also not sure if I can bear such price.

It seems today, that 6 years ago was just a few weeks back. It took us a very long time to get what we were aiming for. As though it happened so late, it’s better than never. Justice was served, and that’s all that matters.

Today as justice took its place I try to find a whole new meaning to my existence. I was at the edge of death not once, but more than twice. Death is not yet calling; it is not yet my time. I still have to celebrate life finding why my name describes my chances of survival.

“Though I hate to broadcast my life drama, it’s just fair and right to share the details of a happy ending to those people who’ve been there all through out the proceedings. Many people were involved and deserve to be gratified; I guess they already know who they are. For that, Thank You. Vielen Dank”




Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Siebengebirge Youth Exchange and Camp

Siebengebirge Youth Exchange and Camp

I sincerely say that my experience in Siebengebirge was a total blast. Words are not enough to describe how much I gained from this experience. I guess I can state that not only did I enjoy the scenic adventures in Deutschland but moreover I met people of different countries who taught me a lot about the importance of history, cultural exchange, liberty and friendship.

Most Asians like me have to acknowledge the fact that we are somewhat isolated in terms of European History and events, which makes it more interesting for us to listen and take advantage of the youth camp activities. The opportunity to learn more about Deutschland is an eye opener for us to learn the basics of European History, culture, places and happenings—as many would say it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Furthermore, it’s not only the place that made the camp so special and memorable, more the less the bond, companionship and friendship with my co-camp participants deserve the credit. I know that all of us made the worst and best of who we are, yet, we managed to enjoy what’s laid in front of us. What’s truly out of the ordinary was that in such a little time we started to care for each other, we have to look at each others back in times of confusion and predicaments. Though I can honestly say that the group wasn’t as solid as we wanted it to be, at least we learned how to control ourselves to prevent further chaos and distractions. All the things that took placed between all of us was an event to remember. All of us where unique and our individualities pushed us to know more about other people and their way of life. Friendships were formed based not only by our similarities but also because of our indifferences. The friendship that I found most especially to those whom I shared most of the inside jokes will surely remain in my heart for as long as I live.

I had to admit that my experience at the camp made me realize that I was still a kid who’s too dependent to her family, boxed out and naïve of what is happening to the rest of the world. In the span of almost a month specifically for the last 2 weeks, I knew something within me changed, I grew up perhaps not in inches but with a lot of knowledge, wisdom and courage to face the world on my own. This camp did not only allow me to become a better and more mature person, but it also pushed me to learn and explore more.

So much fun—so little time. It breaks my heart that we only had a very limited to spend together, but it is surely a fact that every single thing and event that took place at the camp will be forever in my heart. In Germany I never felt like an Auslander, it feels like home to be there. Es was eine sehr schone Reise. Ich will zuruck, Ich Liebe Deutschland.

P.S... OFCOURSE Vielen Dank to the camp leaders who were really good, persistent
and patient with us, to Daniel and most especially the group’s mommy SOPHIE.
Lastly there’s no camp without a very energetic and youthful Gunter Sandvoss who
made everything possible at the tip of our hands. It’s a pleadure to meet you
Mr. Sandvoss, I’ll make it a vow that I come back to your country.

A Summer Feeling

May 28, 2008

Before someone else exaggerates my summer story I’ll take the risk and hopefully it ends here. Hopeless romantic as many would say I am I guess I deserve the right to speak my side of the story.

More than a month ago, a friend of mine wrote a blog entitled “A SUMMER FLING”. Obviously, my picture placed as an example, I was sure that she was hitting me right in the face. I found the blog funny actually, but deep inside I was eager to do something to disprove such description. I’m usually challenged by such kind of shaggy dog stories. Yet, as much as I wanted to ‘counterblog’ her writing, the right words and reasons just won’t slip in. I waited for good things, for good signs to eventually take place but it never came. I did not want that special “thing” to end up being called just a summer fling.

(In Dana’s language)
I admit I am not as smooth as others would do it. It would actually take some time to finally get there. Sometimes getting there means someone else has to do it for me. I am not good with this thing, in fact, little do I know on the steps and procedures. All I was sure of was that there was a tingling feeling between the two of us (irregardless if it’s mutual or not). Only a few people knows the real story behind (well my side of the story that is), and some of them were pushing me to go for it, yet most were disproving just the mere thought of it. I was done with that ‘thing’ a long time ago, and I think that’s what makes the story more extraordinary, for a person to in fact change my point of view. Getting there and standing firm on your feelings is not as hard as I would imagine, it’s actually easy, yet the only thing that makes things complicated is when there are other people involved, and if the other party never really gave you a vivid description of what you are and what you should do.

I’m close to giving up…………………

Until one day, unexpectedly, when the night was darker than the usual, a miracle happened. God gave me the sign I’ve been waiting for the longest time. Just when I thought things will now move into progress, I was disenchanted. When God gave me what I asked for, I realized that I don’t want it anymore. I recognized a bigger message from God, that not all things that make you feel good are good for you, or will forever be good for you. In the Cinderella story the shoes was really beautiful and it looks so good, yet it only fits one person. I guess this time that shoe doesn’t fit me, and I may not look good on it either.
I never really thought that there’s such thing as a SUMMER FLING. However, today I feel like compatible to it. Some things are good, but it may not look good on me. This is my summer story, an arguable “SUMMER FLING”, I say not, it was a SUMMER FEELING, a feeling that lasts today.



May 23, 2008


Last week the Multi District 301 Leo Philippines Convention took place in Baguio City. It was indeed a fantastic and a breathtaking experience to eventually meet and bond with our fellow Leos. Once in a while it feels really good that you belong to a certain party where your visions are strident and you know that you have people who share same sentiments as you do. I was happy to see a massive number of delegates from all over the country, more the less, seeing alpha Leos (9 years old-16 years old) joining the convention was certainly spectacular.

“BE THE CHANGE”—is the theme for this LY08-09. I guess it speaks for itself. As many of us agreed, Change is inevitable, avoiding it makes you stagnant, and it makes you lose your sense of purpose and living. Change is the only permanent thing in this world so grab it or leave it; you really don’t have any choice. However, there are also different aspects of ‘change’, you can either adapt to changes or be the change. I suppose this is where we LEOS become different; we are bound to be the change, to be the forefront and leaders of improvement. We do not allow ourselves to be puppets of change, but rather we ignite it. As I’ve always believed, improvements and amendments should not be grounded by circumstances, but instead by our dispositions. Change is everywhere, but only a few takes the risk and leads the world, only a few have the courage to carry the world on their shoulders, I am glad I am a LEO because I know with them, I BECOME ONE OF THOSE FEW.

By Corey Smith
Open your eyes up people, and take a good look around, Catch the tears fillin’ up all those cracks in the ground. Turn off you televisions; leave your picture perfect neighborhoods A lot of folks out there ain’t doing so good, To many of us left out in the cold No invitations given, no welcome mats unrolled, But you can, be the change you wanna see. Be the hope to those whose lives are far from easy. Reach out and lend a hand, share everything you can, And be the change, be the change. Carry the world on your shoulders, for a little while, Put on someone else shoes, and walk around. So many cups a runneth over, while so many goin dry The grass ain’t always green on the other side. There’s still a lot of work to be done, A lot of wrongs to right, a lot of battles to be won. If you can be the change you wanna see, Be the hope to those who lives are far from easy. Reach out and lend a hand, share everything you can, And be the change, be the change. Reach out and lend a hand, share everything you can And be the change, be the change. Be the change. Be the change. Be the change

A wonderful person.

To a friend who thought me how flowers bloom during winter.

A wonderful person.
At first glance she’s nothing.
I hate that she wore heavy make up.
I hate that she dressed a little ‘more less’.
I didn’t like her, but I did not hate her.

She laugh her lungs out
She speaks with boomingly high volume.
She’s got this extra length of eye lashes
And she can put drunkards to ground.

Some say she’s as good as economical
Many liked her I see no argument,
she’s physically irresistible.
She surely knocks people out with a smile.

By the time I heard her speak
I realized how prejudice it was on my part.
I realized that make-ups speak for the name.
Cover ups.

By the time she spoke of her family
I felt naïve
I realized a little more 'less’ clothes
was beseeching for some attention.

By the time she spoke of her lover
I felt arctic
I realized why she spoke in high volume,
She was crying for comfort.

She spoke with transparency,
She spoke with veracity,
She spoke without bearing,
But she spoke with decency.

I cannot believe how I saw her in a very shallow manner,
I cannot believe how she became exactly the opposite,
I admit she is beautiful, but not the extraordinary.
Hear her speak, and then later realize that she’s stunningly sensible.

I dispute that some say she’s economical
She’s more than what our eyes can see,
Just someone who’s making a loud plea,
Someone beating life’s improbability.

I despise my first impressions of her,
She’s not physically extraordinary,
She’s sensibly astonishing.
In fact, she’s one of the most wonderful people who came across.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Durl's Zippo Effect

Digging Durl

Ever regret something in your life and no matter how hard you swab it out, it keeps coming back? Have you ever felt something so strong for someone else and just a mere thought of it brings you down on your knees? Have you ever thought of fighting for someone who doesn’t even have a clue on a thing or two?

Sometime in your life, you meet this one single soul who brings out the best and hell of who you are in a snap of a finger. Someone who’s too powerful to actually even grab you down from that high wall you’ve been guarding your whole life just to avoid too much pain and misery from outside forces. There you were having the time of your life, and in a wink of an eye everything changes. Someone comes in and for all the unknown reasons a part of you shivers, worst, your perspectives and dispositions in life are highly at stake. You try not to be over ruled, yet, it’s that powerful. One morning you find yourself having sleepless nights because you’ve been talking about things, life, people… you’ve been talking A-Z unknowingly missing out on 24/7. I guess once or twice in our lifetime, we meet a person who has this bizarre effect on us. It doesn’t necessarily indicate that this person is our soul mate. However, there effect is as powerful, well, I wouldn’t know given that I haven’t met my soul mate. But I know for sure I’ve been feeling crazy these past weeks.

I guess what makes us feel out of the ordinary are not the things that we do with this people. It’s the things that you can’t control in their presence (like a heart beating in a rush, a breathe pending to burst, tears racing down your cheeks). The feeling of actually starting something new is the best feeling in the world; it makes you feel like a kid in a candy store. However, just when you thought things were running smoothly, it stabs you in the chest to in point of fact realize that you’re left hanging in the air. One day you open your eyes and grasp to reality that you’re all alone now. Whatever happened to A-Z, you can’t seem to explain. Then you question yourself and you even ask God, Why? Why it has to be that quick, why it hurts like hell? You know the answers, yet you want God to answer why you have to stop having the time of you life just to get yourself at the edge of misery. It’s not like you’re questioning God, more like you’re asking for comfort from the one who knows so well. Occasionally we do want to keep things only with God to save ourselves from egoistic disadvantages of rejection. We pretend not be hurt and we even fake emotions so not to add damage to injury. However, the more we keep things discreet, the more it strives to come out.

More often than not what hurts us are not the things that we don’t understand, nor the things that are left unanswered. Sometimes, what hurts more are the things we know how to answer, and the times we know what to do, yet we are held back by circumstances. Words left unsaid are feelings bound to be suppressed, that’s where the pain comes from. Never the less, there’s something more painful than that. It’s having the guts to speak the words and take the risk, yet chances wont give you a shot. You feel nostalgic seeking for options that are not freely given to you. Options reserved to be deserved yet they deprive you of it.

Now you still find yourself in the morning having those sleepless nights, the only difference now is that you no longer have A-Z conversations, just an empty hand and a wet pillow. By the time you are graced to fall asleep, dreams become visions of what used to be. Then you wake up wishing dreams to be reality, you wake up hoping for visions of what you should be.

“I’m not pining for any mutual response, but I wish I could have one. I’m not asking anything, just yearning for that one true peace of mind. If yesterday, today and tomorrow is the right time that I’m not yet sure. Time is of the essence because with you my time bunged. I do have options but you discreetly deprived me of it. I long to tell you, but you’re not giving me any chances. Someday you’ll know, but I hope by then my sentiments have not yet ended. I hope you learn that you don’t deserve to settle with someone who just sees you as a material, a bank account, a trophy… you don’t deserve someone good… only the best. You came in a rush, yet you left in that same manner. Yesterday, today, tomorrow I admit you got me,
You’re the only person who taught me how to fall in “love” without any reservations.
I love you today, and I hope tomorrow I still do.”

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

SMB: In memory of our Cab it Days!

Just now I was trying to go through some old photos from my friendster account. I was planning to delete some old images since I’m starting to feel revolted on the number of photos I’ve been putting on my profile. I don’t usually just put photos on my account; most of them talk about the details of spectacular events. It’s funny though that while I was browsing each photo I cannot hand pick a single photo to delete, I am always reminded by the memory behind it.

Now my plan to fix my profile pictures was totally moving. I smile each time I see a photo of my SMB family. I’m missing the good old times with Sha(Piocx), Abby(Kaps), Rai(Partner), Pai, Viray, Jill and the other major key players from the CAB it days. It’s been awhile now since the last time we’ve gone out as a whole. Everybody’s just too busy with their own agendas now, not to mention a life not—single anymore. I feel a pressure on my chest looking back on how we used to be. I’m missing the feeling of not trying to worry about what will happen next for I know that whatever transpires between all of us, we’ll find a way to have fun. This was the time where confidence was up to beat and taking all the risks was a part of the game. Drinking until we drop on ground zero was a legacy we all went through (OFFICER DOWN-OFFICER DOWN). These people gave me a whole new meaning on how to be young and free, to fall in love without fear and hesitation.

People do come and go, but people called friends give you the best there is. The intensity they give you will always be different from what ordinary people can offer. Their absence soulfully affects a part of you and pushes you to find people who can fill in the gaps. Yet, in the end you disappoint yourself realizing that there will be no other who can stand-in their space.

In my pursuit to revert I ended up wanting more. But wanting more will only take me less of reality. I realized that I don’t have to reinstate my best buddies just to get back to the life I used to have, SMB family is a legacy, and thus, replacing them would only mean creating just another kind.

In memory of the Cab it! Days….
I miss my drinking buddies…..
Till then… and AGAIN! ahaha

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Politics is Policy, Policy is Poltics: Explosives by a Chinese PROMDI

I've been trying to run away from this topic because I feel like everytime government scandals arise, they are all the same, worst they also end up in an identical manner. But since I was asked to write one, might as well share my thoughts..... Pipi, goodluck. ahahaha
Politics is Policy, Policy is Poltics

It is indeed a fact that someone who repeatedly called himself “Simpleng Probinsianong intsik” made it to the newsstand for a week or two. Yes! Rodolfo Noel “JUN” Lozada Jr. became an instant celebrity, or rather, another Filipino Hero. Sadly, I strongly express my grief that this instant hero is not even a full-blooded Juan Dela Cruz. The NBN whistle blower though emotionally and physically sapped showed his strength of character by telling his story and defeating his own fears. Lozada, having the decision to surrender himself before the public and expose an immense scandal like this was never easy. The decision to capitulate in the house of the religious in one way or the other lead to the conversion of heart of this young brave man. He sure laid all his aces in the table and just hoped for the next big thing.

The ZTE-NBN scandal already waived too much attention from the public. However, it is in this expose where people can minimally see how corruption takes place in our country and how we are slowly being diverted to a highly controlled democracy.

My position in this matter was basically hooked up from what I saw on TV. Never the less this did not impede me to see an honest man in Lozada. I was moved by his stories, but he gained my respect when he allegedly admitted that he is not the cleanest man – that at certain point in his life he did things that he strongly regrets, amidst the continuous attack on his credibility by prominently known administration senators. It is also overwhelming to hear such sturdy terms like government procurement (which will in fact be a significant description in government history) and moderate greed. It was only now that I realize that in a government like this, greed is being established in mild moderate severe measures.

The explosives of Jun Lozada surely affected the comfort of Malacanang, never the less, the intensity of the explosion was not brawny enough to disintegrate the walls of the first family. Arroyo’s cabinet members are its frontlines; they always deal with issues and predicaments like this. Unfortunately for us Filipinos, too much loyalty to the first family gives them the power to rule over the law. The alleged kidnapping (not abduction as corrected by Senator Escudero), is nowhere outside the hands of Razon, Atienza and their command center, the Malacanang. Its funny how they were given enough time over the weekend to at least patch up the inconsistencies in the version of their stories, yet, I strongly believe that they made a big bewilderment in the senate investigation.

In fairness there are still a few good men in this government, however, how they are being manipulated is yet to be derived. It is distressing to see that instead of political parties formed through principles it is being grounded by allegiances, loyalty is to brotherhood and not to the country.

In this generation where bright minds are corrupted by ambitions and greed, I feel sad that our last resort is God. I hope and pray that political chaos run away from the eyes of an innocent youth, so that someday we will be able to identify our strengths and capabilities without a trace of a disgraceful government. The progress of this investigation is yet to be seen; never the less I hope and pray that good will triumph over evil.

As Condrado De Qurios said,

Maybe God works in truly mysterious ways, or maybe that’s just the sublime way of things, miracles happening when you least expect it. In Tolkien’s “Lord of the Ring,” it wasn’t the valiant king of men, the swift-footed prince of elves, the last remaining royal descendant of the dwarfs, or the powerful white wizard that put an end to the terrifying, impregnable, and seemingly interminable rule of evil Mordor. It was a most unlikely creature, a short, unimpressive, Hobbit named Frodo. Except that he would be courageous, pure of heart, and would have the power to resist the thoroughly corrupting influence of evil. What can one say?

I guess in the end we only have limited options, hope, wonder, pray, wait for the next big thing and cross our fingers.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Running Away

Running Away

Sometimes I wish I can be as tough as the rock, or maybe just numb enough to not feel this life’s uncertainties. I hope I can just ignore pain, fear and resentment. I wish I can, but I guess life doesn’t offer some sort of privilege card, something to save you from a hassle free state, nothing to excuse you to live a life that’s subjected to too much dilemma.

I hate drama. I get aggravated with emotions, yes even my own. All I want to do is laugh, smile, laugh and laugh and be happy for the rest of my life. Of course laughter can just mask ones deepest predicament. Unfortunately, I deduce that the more you keep something in discreet, the louder it bangs back to your face. Poignant freaks are however everywhere, from music lyricist to everyday television and even the worst politics have their own production. S**t happens, and I am afraid they are just far and wide. In fact, writing a blog like this makes me no different, but I’d rather be like them than end up a suicidal psychopath.

I’ve always believe that being happy is a product of personal dispositions and not by circumstances. We can be happy for all times sake as long as we allow ourselves in that state. However, it’s just too unlucky that sometimes, dispositions are outdone by extrinsic extraneous forces that won’t stop unless they make it into your circle. I wish there’s this imposed regulation to keep you unattached to anybody, so no one gets hurt in the end. Why cant people just stay out of each other’s business, why can’t we just live our own lives and be happy. If it’s impossible not to get involve, why don’t we just do something good for each other, why do we have to throw shit on people when survival is at stake? Why can’t we just take full responsibility to our inadequacies?

Sometimes I wish Freud didn’t discover what EGO is, so nobody can use such stupid excuse. PRIDE, FEAR, ANGER, EGO, CHAOS, they are all mindsets, some dim factors that makes a very unhappy world.

Yes, I keep wishing usual things not to take place, so I myself can find an excuse to run away. So I can cover up to these dense mindsets that make me less of who I am. I seek security from my friends, but I guess I’m not the only one having this kind of turmoil up in head. People say that everything happens for a reason, and it doesn’t leave without a lesson. At some point such things make us stronger, but I wish not to be stronger for I am too powerful not to face and bear down to my weakness, for I am intimidated by my own strong points.

Tomorrow always begins in the East, so I have to stop waiting for the sun to shine in the West, I’ll just have to go with the flow and wake up each morning facing the East. Our dispositions should be like the Sun, it doesn’t change its setting and no circumstance nor can bad weather move it to the west. Nobody can alter others character and principles don’t let people ruin what’s already laid down, live your life like the sun, and let people deal with that.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Hell to the BIG MACHINE

Hell to the big machine

“You’re going to need some help” she said.

“What are you freaking nuts? And who are you to tell” she answered.

With a strike in the heart she was forced to just stop and leave. She knew nothing was heartfelt, and she just allowed herself to be a part of their marionette demonstration. The launch of her nightmare was on.

I entered the room and saw her in dirge

“She’s moved to the big machine.” she softly said.

“You don’t have to move with the rest of the crew.” I told her.

“I don’t care about the crew, he is my blood, I feel responsible if he’s not going to make it in the big machine” she replied.

“Gabby, no one makes it out there, it’s either you lose him forever, or he will realize that the big machine is not his home” I alleged

Then she looked at me with an edge of sarcasm and doubt.

“He’s old enough. Let him Go Gabs, we are not in the position to barricade him to the places he wants to explore” I immediately said.

“Let him go, knowing he’s going to be killed there?” she asked.
I don’t know what else to tell her, so I just left her with a tap.

I was on my way home when I saw a BIG M poster beside a door that looks like a vendo machine. It was all nice and catchy. It’s hypnotizing. I tried to figure out how it drives people to go nuts. As I was to put my foot forward, I noticed the poster’s changing; colors were turning black and black until I’m starting to feel dizzy. Someone came out so the door opened and I got to have a sneak peak on what’s inside. The inside looks like the set of Charlie’s chocolate factory with a hole in the middle. I saw people and a couple of friends in nirvana. I wanted to join the fun so I attempted to enter the room. Not until a voice from a far was tingling in my ears.

My parents. The gush to go in was outweighed by their presence.

We went for a cup of coffee across the street. I got a pretty good view from the BIG M door. I was amazed to see a couple of friends going in. They just didn’t know. Then I was overwhelmed to see Gabby’s brother trying to come out. There was this girl who was patiently waiting for him to finally come out; unfortunately, the full force crew was stronger to pull him back in. A girl from the crew discreetly laughed at the poor girl outside. The door was slowly closing as I was petrified to see him jump with the other girl into the hole. Nobody noticed, the other crew went out, they didn’t even care.

An old friend of mine came rushing out the door with his girlfriend. He saw me across.

“I saw what happened. I’ve been there, I fell on that very same hole” as she lowered down his head and shook.

“Is there something else we can do?” I questioned.

“I don’t think there is. You can only speak for your ass down there. People will leave you just to get out; they won’t really care about you”

“What happens if he can’t come up?” puzzled.

“If he will not help himself, He will surely die.” With a definite tone.

My heart was torn apart. I felt really dirked thinking about Gabby and the girl who was waiting outside.

Today, I’m still sitting from my point of view. I am patiently waiting for him to come out. I’m mad and I am exhausted. It’s been awhile and yet there’s no sign of him. A few people from that hole were coming out one by one.

A tear fell and rush down my cheeks when I overheard survivors talking.

“He’s a freak. He wants to come out.” A man said

“I know right? But the girl doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay there but he wont allow him to go.” The other said.

“He’s trying not leave the girl. Tsktsk.. Heroic deeds…It sucks!”

“Hero? It takes a lot to be one. We should all start by being heroes to ourselves.” softly said

“We should all die at our own cause” he agreed.

My hopes were popping out; it’s as if any moment it will shatter. I was about to turn my back, but I can’t leave Gabby, she wont stop. I know I can’t leave; I can’t leave a family in deep shit.

We can’t spend the rest of our lives waiting across that street. So I pulled my sister to the car and promised her to keep an eye on the scene. I held her hand as I bow down my head, I know there’s nothing else we can do but to wait and see.

For the last time I threw a glance at the BIG MACHINE.
“Brother please come out, big machine’s not your home. Brother Come out I beg you see how we weep”

Life is a matter of choice. Some choices are chaotic by nature. In the end, when all else fail, we are left with a choice to MOVE on and go on with our OWN LIVES.