Saturday, July 21, 2007

Moving on: Nerves over Pulses

We all know that not all relationships work. At one point or the other, it doesn’t work out the way we expect it to be, it suddenly falls short. At the end of all relationships who knows where and how to start; or factually speaking how do we end it once and for all. How do we know when it is really over, how do we move on?

Many people are having a tough time moving on from relationship break ups. It’s as if it is the end of the world for them. People don’t often recognize the reality that break ups are part of relationships and life. We seldom appreciate the fact that these kinds of crisis make us grow and be better persons or partners indeed. To eventually surpass a break up, one should stop thinking that what is common to the world is unique to the person. Certainly couples break up with different reasons in such different ways, yet the feeling is mutual for everybody, there is a pinch or punch of pain. Moving on from break-ups is not as easy from what I know, but we have to acknowledge that most of the time some good things come to an end. Never the less, we have an option to make good things happen again, and that starts simply when we get over the things that already came to an end.

But then again how do we start?

The first step to getting over is that we have to step beyond denials. We have to recognize the truth that the relationship has already ended. Once details are accepted, we then have to start conditioning ourselves about wanting to move on and forget about the person. The determination of the person to move on is in fact the Golden Rule of Getting over. Actions towards something are always initiated by the willpower of the person to eventually act on it. However this does not save you from having ‘visions of what used to be’. There will always be instances where one encounters memories of what went on the course of the relationship. Events like this are normal, but it doesn’t mean that we should not act on it. The best management to such things is to habitually question one’s self why such emotions and memories arise. You have to source out the roots of such feelings and visions. Answers to such questions will lead you to the right direction, and finally makes you discover more about yourself, how you can be stronger and be more efficient on your next relationship. The last thing which is also important in getting over is that we have to talk it out. We have to let go of such thoughts and emotions that are spinning on our head. We should keep in mind, that unspoken words mean repressed emotions. Thus, such emotions will hamper you to let go of such bitterness.

Until then we have to understand that moving on literally means to look forward.
The things that we should always remember when moving on is that we have to put aside the heart and let the brain do the move.

Now, does this give us the assurance that we are ready for a new relationship?

No. Getting over someone is not a warrant that we are ready to enter a new commitment. Getting over someone only means that we have accepted that our previous relationship with them has truly ended. Only that most of the time, people tend to divert their bitterness to the person towards love. Thus, it becomes a baggage on the next relationship. This baggage contains a room for comparison. Our bitterness towards love makes us hold back because of fear that such painful event will happen again. Until we learn to set free this bitterness; that will only be the time that we are assured ready to be in a relationship again.

A friend once said “Hate the person, but not love” simple words, yet, powerful in meaning. Once you start hating love, it’s a package deal. You then start to lose that sense of identity, because you will eventually forget how to love and trust yourself. And unless you don’t know how to love yourself, it will hinder you to love other people.

If you find it too difficult too resolve problems, it is always effective to consult the heart but let the brain do the move.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Crossing the Line – Hitting Below the Belt

We usually have a hard time limiting or holding ourselves to stay behind the boundaries. When a person is highly motivated or interested into something, they have a tendency to indulge themselves on the situation, not aware that it’s too much already. Crossing the line may start in the smallest details and may end up in big ones tending to hit others below the belt.

Is there a difference between Crossing the line and Hitting Below the belt?

Trying to recognize the difference merely depends on the intention and its effect on the other person involved. Usually, people associate “Crossing the Line” as a harmful thing. Negative as it may seem, crossing the line may also be an act of bravery. There are situations when a person needs to cross the line, circumstances like telling your best friend that you’re in love with him/her. Beyond the line lays a great risk, risks that may either make the time of your life or such that may prevent you to move beyond the line for the rest of your life. It may sound as good as it seem but “hitting below the belt” shows a different scenario. In this case, you either do it unintentionally or intentionally, though such intentions are often unacceptable and bad. However, may it be intentional or not à it causes pain and hurt feelings all at the end.

Both are products of good or bad purpose, intended or not. What difference does it make anyway? The only divergence is how it distress the persons involved. A person doesn’t habitually realize the consequences of their actions. It’s an egotistical mechanism of a certain individual which primarily entail insensitivity or oversensitivity. In fact it even reaches a point where the regularity of a certain action pushes one’s self to move to the next level at the expense of others.

No one is ruling out that people should not cross lines. We should not limit ourselves from doing that, it essentially helps us grow and move further. Yet, this does not give us the license to go all the way. We should always learn by heart that in everything we do, we should be sensitive enough on the feelings of others. It is significant that we assess the maturity or readiness of other people to adapt the consequence of our actions and at the same time we should know how we stand in their lives. Our relationship with people will best explain how we handle situations with them. True enough that from time to time we use such mechanism as an offense and defense; to save ourselves and intentionally hurt someone. Nevertheless, will that make you feel better if you win, but you didn’t play it fair?

Literally speaking, when a boxer is highly aggravated to win, he may hit his opponent below the belt. It is a premeditated act that will result severe pain. Unlike when people simply cross lines, he may cross as many different lines, just depends where it will lead them; it’s like delivering a good legal punch to the opponent. When you cross lines, you hit the person in the head but when you hit below the belt you hit them in the heart. In the end, it may have a double standard effect; one can make the best out of you or both can be damaging to a person’s holistic formation. It is no longer an issue of good or bad intentions, what’s important is how we manage the situation.

“Bravery is not a crime, but too much of something is always bad”

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Sen. Juan Miguel Zubiri

A while ago I've heard over the news that Zubiri already won the 12Th spot for the Senate, good for him. I don't want to pre-judge the winning situation as much as I don't want to spoil Zubiri from celebrating his victory party. Although I'm not sure if that would make me smile. Philippine politics goes back to its old routine, barrio tic. When will be the time that we learn how to be mature politically.

We all know that Zubiri won at the courtesy of the Maguindanao votes. However, the authenticity of those votes are yet to be proved. It sounds confusing that the authorities actually questions Pidol but embraces the miracles of his action. What I'm trying to point out here is that, why investigate the person, then in the long run you show the people that there is nothing controversial at all. If in case you are not aware why I'm bragging this Maguindanao votes to be controversial is because first, it's statistically improbable (12-0? tsss DREAM ON) second, the Maguindanao election officers themselves are claiming that there was indeed foul play, third, the numbers from the official COC's doesn't match with some local returns. fifth, the provincial officer admitted that he lost the COC's (which reminds me, that's not legal); now do the math.I may sound bias and yes now I'm pre-judging the situation, but don't you think that its pretty obvious? Why do they have to include something that seems to be a fraud. Okay. In fairness to Comelec, they are postponing the proclamation of Juan Miguel Zubiri and wait for the oral arguments from the Supreme court. Actually that's the only fair thing I consider.

I'm now trying to question myself, would it make me feel better: if people will like me for who I'm not rather than hating me for the person I really am, or getting high grades out of sucking other people's effort than failing from my own mistakes. Same thing goes with Zubiri, I wonder how he goes to sleep at night thinking that the votes which infact will officially bring him to Senate are questionable? I guess that doesn't matter anymore. It's really funny that sometimes even if you're such a great man, at the midst of crisis you'll suck blood out of nowhere to be able to survive.

Maybe its about time that we should make reforms and changes, we should embrace innovations and offer a helping hand. I am hopeful that someday this government can be efficient and credible.

When love comes around

They said that love is not a matter of why,when and who? There are things I've been really avoiding for the past months.. The level of my conformity to the morals of society is quite close to the highest level. I dont care whether people will like me or not, what matters to me is that I'm always doing the right thing. But I realized that always doing the right thing, is not what matters, but what really makes you happy.We can always do whatever we want at all expense as long as we know how to limit ourselves to the things, that are not only best for you.. but to the rest of the people around you.
They say love comes at your darkest hours, partly true; but I'd rather want to believe the fact that people come, but not always love. I've been dealing with people who are close to getting a space in my heart, but soon enough I realize that not all or no one really fits the space; its eaither they are too big, or too small. I know we can never find a pefect partner or a perfect person, in fact we should never try finding it. I havent really felt the spark of what they call love lately, and I'm no longer finding a place to play, or a person to play with; I dont want to get drop dead serious when I know theres no one worth being serious with. It's really ironic, that when love comes knocking on your front door, you then chose to use the back door, and when you go knock on someone else' door... they do the same.. I'M NOT TRYING TO FIND THE PERSON WHO CAN SATISFY the emptiness I'm feeling, merely hoping that the emptiness heals by itself..


Controlling the Chaos

I’ve really loved the feeling of not being able to think at all. I’ve been setting myself to things that will consume most of my time and eventually forget the real deal. I’m pushing myself to the limits but I know at the end of the show, I will be there… back to the chaos I’ve been avoiding.

I’m trying to run before the issues that keep dragging my whole being, but I know that running is all I can do. I thought forgetting was as easy, but I know it’s a punch to the moon. I prayed that one morning I wake up with a real smile on my face and do the things that I really wanted. I always stare at the sky at night and wait for a falling star to come, so I can throw my wishes up and away.

I always wanted to prove something out of myself. Often times I feel like I’m not at my best and other people can’t and won’t even bother to see that. I feel frustrated that proving something means I have to cheat myself at times. I have to feed my head with ideas that contradicts the whole thing. Chaos starts to ignite in my head and the more I’m trying to control and keep it discreet, the louder it bangs into my face!

All my life I never really aimed to be the best, but all I ever dreamed was to make my folks proud. I look up to them and wish I can be just like them, simple yet satisfied with life. I know somehow they don’t see me as someone who will make it to the top, but still I wish I can be there. I feel happy when people compare me to them, and I feel happy when people say I’m next in line. However not all people pushes me to strive harder. Some say sooner or later, last names will change and I will be out of the picture. It sounds too shallow, but it hurts like hell. I want to be the best not just because I want to prove something to myself, but I want to be the best because I want them to see me as a different person. Not just the little girl behind the shadow of her parents.

I’m well aware that I can never please everybody. But my only hope is that my friends and family isn’t a part of that everybody.